03 December, 2012

Some Wendy Broad And Her Dumb Opinions

presented by
Mystic Metals Body Jewelry

Some Wendy Broad And Her Dumb Opinions

The bookstore is a freakshow today. Myself included, I suppose. Of course the people who work here don't include me in the freakshow. I'm just Andy. They even asked me my opinion on the new manager who worked here. Alana, one of my coffee girls, introduced me to him as if I were his boss. It's nice to have some clout in situations of little or no consequence. For the record, the new manager is a cool cat. He seems a bit wound up, though. Maybe too much coke, but really; is there such thing?

I bet some of you cats and kittens have some tattoo mods that you've grown to dislike a bit. It happens. I'm in that class too, but you still have them and even though you may not enjoy looking at them the way you did when you got it needled in your skin, it still holds a place that's special. And the love of modification seems to trump. It does for me anyway. One of my mods I got in Seattle. I have come to dislike the tattoo quite a bit, and I plan to have it covered at some point, but I look on it and remember the shop and the experience. I remember the entire Seattle trip as a whole when I look on the modification, so in that it still has a nice purpose. Yes, I saw that fish market where they throw fish around, and the first Starbucks, and the unimpressive Space Needle. Travel tip: Go to the Space Needle before going to the CN Tower in Toronto. It'll be more impressive that way. What's strange is this story I just read about an individual with a tattoo she doesn't like, and a mod culture she doesn't approve of. But first, let me tell you how much I hate PETA.

I hate PETA the way a radical Islamist hates America. I hate PETA the way fire hates water, the way the Klan hates blacks, the way Black Panthers hate whites, the way NOW hates wieners, the way Mayor Bloomberg hates freedom, the way Super Mario hates turtles with wings. I hate PETA. They are a terrorist organization which demonizes people for different philosophies and levies penalties against people who, after serving the sentence, are left unforgiven. Yes, there are some good things PETA does and has done. I am an animal lover, but most of the vehement battles for which PETA goes to bat are awful like protesting the groundhog in Pennsylvania on Groundhog's Day. And of course there's the paint throwing and the freedom stretching behaviors of their public protests. I love America, and I love the Constitution so I support their right to exist just as I support the right to exist of NOW or the Klan or the Panthers. I don't have to like what they do.

So there's a PETA ad that aired recently. It was one of those celebrity naked, rather be nude than wear fur ads. We've seen a bunch of them, and it's not a terrible campaign. Especially when it's a hunky or sexy celebrity. I'm sure my wonderful and beautiful girlfriend would love to see Chris Hemsworth do one of those ads. There's a new one recently with a broad on it. Her name is Wendy Williams, and apparently she is some sort of celebrity. I always thought these ads were more effective when the celebrity is someone people actually recognize, but I'm no marketing major. Wendy Williams is a radio talk show host. She also has a TV show of some kind. I think it's like Rikki Lake, or other such mindless nonsense. She has awards and things, talks mainly about black celebrity gossip, was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars, and has a book on the best sellers list. Which really hurts my soul since no one will buy my manuscripts, but this isn't about me. So she's on TV and talks to people about things during the day. Wendy Williams featured in one of these nude PETA ads. Who cares, right? I certainly don't since I'm more a fan of those celebrity milk mustache ads. At any rate, Wendy Williams shows off a tattoo in the ad and had this quote about it to the Examiner: "I got my tattoo to cover my tummy tuck mark. I'm not really one that likes tattoos... I still stand by that. I don't particularly like that one, but I'd rather have that than the cut (mark)."

So Wendy Williams is a part of our beautiful and fantastic culture but dislikes the culture. Hm. That's an odd position to have. To be fair, her tattoo is kind of shitty, but that's what I get for knowing cats like Tim and Alex and Meghan and Lara. I'm spoiled by good art. It's a nautical star thing with some flourishes underneath it. There may be a flower involved. I don't care much that she has a shitty tattoo. My usual stance on shitty tattoos is, 'well, it makes that person happy, so that's all that matters.' Thing is, it doesn't seem to be doing that with TV and radio personality Wendy Williams. She doesn't like the tattoo she has on her belly, and she doesn't like the culture of tattoo modification. So what the hell is she doing in my culture? Oh yeah; covering a tummy tuck scar. Can't have evidence of that can we.

Have you ever seen a tummy tuck performed? It's horrendous and disgusting. Makes SVU look like an alphabet song on Sesame Street. Wait, here's a better joke: Have you ever seen a tummy tuck performed? It's horrendous and disgusting. It makes Saw look like Follow That Bird. But as you cats and kittens know, I am of the mind that any outside alteration to the body of unnatural origin is body modification. So Wendy William's tummy tuck (which is actually called abdominoplasty) is a much heavier modification than I have ever experienced (save having my jaw moved forward and having my spine cut open). Wendy Williams has experienced modification in a more intense and life changing form in her abdominoplasty than she has in her tummy tattoo. But it is her tummy tattoo she doesn't like. I'm not entirely sure that I would do a forever thing if I didn't like the thing. She is using it for a mechanical purpose, however, to cover her abdominoplasty scar. I would imagine that if one were successful enough to have a best selling book, a radio show, and a TV show, one would have the scratch to have the scar taken care of in a way that doesn't brush against stances like "I'm not really one that likes tattoos... I still stand by that." The last bit of that quote too is a little bothersome. "I still stand by that." What does that mean, exactly? Does it mean that she has been an outspoken opponent of tattoo modification? Or does it simply mean, 'I don't like this thing, but I have this thing, but even though I have it, I still dislike it.' That makes no sense to me. It's like saying I hate puppies and then buy a puppy but make sure that everyone who meets me and my puppy knows that even though I have a puppy, I don't like it. Stupid.

Celebrity modification is an absurd study sometimes. If you search for news about tattoos, you'll more often arrive at lists of stupid links about some pop tart useless famous-for-the-sake-of-fame idiot with an opinion about a culture to which they believe is a weekend warrior mountain retreat. It isn't damaging to our beautiful culture, but it isn't helpful either. Who cares if Lindsey Lohan gets modded, or whatever letter plus a noun rapper just got some shitty portrait of his kid. Modification is for all of us, and 'I still stand by that,' but what type of society do we live in when celebrity gossip news about D-list stars is more familiar to the populous than things of consequence like the economy or international perception of America? Wendy Williams tattoo on her tummy is as stupid as her position toward the tattoo and those with them. What irrelevance she has, and what a waste of internet to report it. And yes, writing about it makes me part of the problem too, but I'm a nobody who doesn't make gossip headlines every time he gets modded. So here is 1400 wasted words about dumbness and the dumbness that people spout about our culture. Also, I hate PETA. Stay beautiful, kids.

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