11 January, 2012

Hate-Christians Hate Hipsters

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those only of the author and may only coincidentally reflect those of Mystic Metals, its employees, or associates. All responses should be posted as comments here, or mailed directly to the author, A. Robert Basile, at ihatebasile@gmail.com.
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Hate-Christians Hate Hipsters

This is my not having a blah blah intro paragraph for this week’s blog. So I’m going to do two things. First is to let you know that my short story collection, “people i know,” is available on the Nook book-reading thingy and within the next twelve hours or so should be available for the Kindle thingy as well. So please go buy a copy and enjoy it. They’re each less than ten bucks, and they’re worth way more than that. And it’ll help me feed my dogs. Because I’m broke. (search A. Robert Basile or people i know) The other thing I’m going to use in this awful intro is the chorus to the Log song. (clear throat sound) “It’s log, it’s log; it’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood. It’s log, it’s log; it’s better than bad. It’s good.” Let’s move on.
You kids who read me frequently know a bit about me. Especially if you read last week’s blog entitled “Wet.” For those who don’t know what my dominating characteristics are, they are as follows: I have strong opinions about women’s shoes. I hate more things than I like. People irritate me. I am a republican (closer to libertarian). I am a catholic. I like responsibility, hate entitlement, and am proud to be a modified person. I also respect people’s rights to be what they’d like to be, and I hate self inflicted persecution. Also, peanut butter is my favorite sandwich spread, my Xbox gamer tag is Zipperback, and my favorite bass guitar string is the B-string.
Another thing I hate is the torrent of video and photo posts on Facebook. I never look at them, I never post them, and they clog up my feed with ‘look how funny this guy is’ nonsense. Once in a while, however, someone will post a photo from somewhere else on the Internet that grabs my attention. This is about a photo a Facebook friend, Jessie, posted.
The photo is one of those parody inspirational posters that seem to have become an ironic trend with a dwindling humor. It has a broad on it, a modified broad, with big, thick rimmed glasses, those Betty Page bangs, and a ‘schmeh, whatever’ face. Beneath the photo, as par to the poster parody, is the word “Hipster,” and beneath that it reads, “I had a snappy remark, but I forgot…” Very funny. Be proud, guy who made the poster with a stolen photo and Photoshop. Now, we all know hipsters are irritating. We all know they are breeding and populating coffee shops and open mic nights everywhere with their big glasses, solid colored acrylic plugs, and affinity for things you’ve never heard of like independent movies and bands who are on labels with three bands and two employees. They are mostly harmless, I think. Preferring to be by proxy annoying, but not actually doing anything to cause annoyance. I have some hipster friends, and they seem to take ball breaking well. Rob is a good hipster, with his white belt and homemade t-shirts. He’s a good guy, despite the white belt.
The photo inspirational poster parody thing is a forgettable piece of internet dribble that bares little notice. What does bare notice is the site from which the photo was taken. The website is called www.Christwire.org, and at first I thought it was a parody in itself. I thought it was an ironic commentary on sites that promote a christian sensibility that is easy to mock. Then I realized that the site is legit, and the editors and writers for the site really believe what they are saying. Even reading it over and over, I’m having difficulty believing that these people are legit, but we’ll go with it.
The hipster photo is accompanied by a description in a poorly constructed group of paragraphs. I just read it again, and I am still confused if it’s legit or not, but in this guy’s description (a cat named Jake Newman), he warns parents of the hipster culture, saying, “Hipsters are bohemian, homosexuals who enjoy obscure music and the atmosphere of that permits gay sexual acts to occur.” He continues by insulting hipsters’ penis sizes, and contends that hipster dorm room tattoo parties spread Aids to the “general population of hipster gays.” He also says that hipsters will occasionally try to dupe the non-hipster public by “pretending to date short fat jews, but they really engage in massive gay orgies with each other.” Jake Newman concludes his hipster study by saying, “They represent a counterculture that is a threat to the Christian Youths that are the pride of our nation. If you see a hipster riding a bike on the street, do us all a favor and run his gay ass over with your car.”
I’m going to take a breath for a second because if this dude is serious in what he thinks, that is harder to swallow than “The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick.” Some book humor there for you, kids. Websites like these and ‘articles’ like the one ‘written’ by Jake Newman are the kind of propaganda that pigeonholes conservative christians like myself into this liberal idea that we are all Christ loving hate-mongers, which is counterintuitive in itself. It makes those who take my opinions at face value and apply these types of ignorant hate rants believe that we are all like this cat. We’re not, obviously. If you read my blog frequently, as it has been running strong for four years now, you’ll know the thesis of the three hundred plus blogs I’ve written is to celebrate beauty in all forms, and that the beauty that we each possess is inherent and inalienable. We here at A Different Kind Of Beautiful (and by we I mean me and my readers) don’t subscribe to slanderous our libelous accusations, assumptions and stereotypes. Yes, I use stereotypes frequently for comedic purpose, much to the chagrin of my beautiful girlfriend, but there is a demarkation that transforms a punchline with no ill intention to hate speech that is damaging to a culture. And yes, I am a proponent of all things free speech. I support this hipster hating website in that they are allowed to say what they say, but not necessarily what they say. Just as what I may write week after week may be offensive to some, they ought to support my right to say it whether they agree with what I say or not.
But this cat has taken aim at a number of cultures under the guise of following a deity that promotes a love and acceptance and coexistence. I love Jesus Christ. I love my Christian God. I speak to Him everyday, and I try to live within Christ’s footsteps as accurately as I can. As all christians know, it’s a lofty goal whose accomplishment has an air of near impossibility. And I’m Ok if you love something (or nothing) else. I’m not saying I know Christ better than Jake Newman, but I do have an impression with having read the Bible and studied the behavior of Jesus within my Catholicism to think that JC wouldn’t have the voracious hate for hipsters that Jake Newman has. I think that he wouldn’t have the irrational distain for gays, and knowing that he was jewish, I’d find it hard to believe that the correlation between hipsters and jews would be an opinion Jesus would share. I’m not theology major. I do major in common sense, however, and the damages that rants like this one administer to not only hipsters but the modified community, conservatives, christians, gays, and anyone with the semblance of a frontal lobe in his head do nothing to serve christianity, society, modification, free thought, or beauty. That is to say, fuck this guy for implicating someone like me in his ‘this is how christian conservatives’ think hate mantra because it’s largely untrue.
Don’t get me wrong, hipsters annoy the shit out of me. Liberals tend to annoy the shit out of me. Stupid people annoy the shit out of me. But most of all people who spread propaganda like September eleventh was a conspiracy, or gays spread Aids, or hipsters are damaging to Christ loving people, or the modified are against God, or anything of the sort that attempts to manufacture fact from misguided and unscientifically derived opinion are a more of a scourge to society than those they are attempting to demonize. Kid wants to dress like a douche and listen to some shit band no one else likes? Let him. God doesn’t care that the kid only goes to the Ritz theatre to see movies. Kid wants to stretch his lobes and wear white acrylic plugs and a v-neck undershirt? Let him. God doesn’t care what size his lobes are or which goodwill he gets his clothes from. God cares if he is treating people well. God cares that His people are sharing love and beauty with one another. God cares that we are respecting His creation. What’s funny is that the radical, and yes they are on the flange of the bell curve compared to the majority of those who follow Christ, preach this personification of Jesus Christ in their hateful propaganda as if they have never read the New Testament. You know; the book where JC is the main character? Yeah. That one.
I take a lot of shit for some of my opinions. I’ve had hate-christians come at me for my mods and my lifestyle. Strangers too, in the middle of a public place. I’ve had people tell me I was headed for Hell, I’ve had dirty looks when the perplexing combination of modifications and my knowledge of catholicism comes to light. I’ve also had atheists come at me for simply being a believer in God and Christ. They are all entitled to their opinions, as I am mine, and I’m glad that in this country we are allowed to propagate those opinions without being flogged and thrown in a cell for fifty years. But regardless of your theology, be it believer in some flavor of religion or atheist or agnostic, spreading wild and outlandish opinions such as hipsters are all gay and spread Aids while confusing strangers of their sexuality by dating jews is damaging to a number of cultures and societies on a number of different levels because there are those who are simple minded enough to read this type of filth and accept it as fact. I know some of my readers are atheist and some are faithful to a religion be it christian or otherwise, but on a plane of secular humanity and culture and sociology, regardless of God or Buddha or Allah or Satan or that mossy stone in the woods you may worship, the bottom line is that this type of blurb is bullshit. At least I think so. Check the link below for the whole article, and take notice of the titles of the other articles and the ads in the margin. I’d like to have a laugh about it, but shit man; people think this way and mean it. Scary isn’t it. I still hate Rob’s stupid white belt, but he’s my friend regardless of his hipsterness. Stay beautiful, kids. 

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  1. Pretty certain the site is a satire... just sayin'.

  2. Yeah, I'd agree. You're probably right. Still, propagating the conservative Christian stereotype at the expense of a perfectly harmless culture is bad business for everyone evolved, wouldn't you agree? And don't gays have enough to worry about in the media than to see this type of thing where the line of hate and satire is a little grey? These may not be the guys, but part of the point too is that there are folks like this.

  3. my white belt thinks you're the man.

  4. Funny, this is the first blog of yours I've read. I'm a christian and I'm modified. I don't appreciate people propigating the myth that we are all hate mongers. im love monger. Hipsters do suck, but your right they suck in a harmless way. So to you I say "word"

  5. Funny, this is the first blog of yours I've read. I'm a christian and I'm modified. I don't appreciate people propigating the myth that we are all hate mongers. im love monger. Hipsters do suck, but your right they suck in a harmless way. So to you I say "word"