24 August, 2011

Stupid Like A Fox

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those only of the author and may only coincidentally reflect those of Mystic Metals, its employees, or associates. All responses should be posted as comments here, or mailed directly to the author, A. Robert Basile, at ihatebasile@gmail.com.

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Stupid Like A Fox


Twitter is an interesting social experiment. If you’re on the Twitter, you can follow my personality that maintains a majority of my time @arobertbasile. I phrase it that way because since I started taking Ambien, I started a separate Twitter account to post insane comments and observations while completely fuct on Ambien. Thing is, I don’t remember any of it in the morning. I don’t even remember starting the account. The other strange thing is that @AndyOnAmbien follows zero people, yet he (and yes, I talk about him in the third) has over 320 followers. There’s a social commentary there somewhere; I’m too stupid to find it, though. So follow them. There’s a taste of what AndyOnAmbien says in the right margin of this page. Apparently, he’s very obsessed with kittens.

Let’s write some fluff today. And no, I’m not going to mention the super rare earthquake we had here in Jerz today. No, we’re going to talk about dumbness. Here we go.

Megan Fox is an idiot. We all know that, though. That’s not really news. Not if you’ve seen her on any late night talk shows. Or seen her act. Or talk. Or do pretty much anything. She’s famously modified, and gossip sites and celebrity news sites seem to feed on celebrity mods (especially on women) like sharks on chum. Celebrity chum. Celebrity mod chum. Delicious chum. Here’s the word chum again. Chum. But Megan Fox, made for TV movie star of “Crimes Of Fashion” (IMDB rating of 4.4), is popularly tattooed, and this seems to add to her… Charm isn’t the right word… Constantly stoned pouty face over the shoulder look isn’t the right word either. It adds to her mystique, I suppose. And helps her fight along side Jonah Hex (IMDB rating of 4.6), of course. Or whatever that garbage movie is about.

At any rate, she has a forearm mod of Marilyn Monroe, among other modifications. (Including a navel piercing which she removed because it was “tacky.”) Recently in an interview with an Italian magazine called “You Lookin’ At Me? What’s The Matter With You? Dija Eat Yet?” (It’s actually called “Amica”) she talked about her Monroe tattoo and its fate on her arm.

Now, I have an affinity toward Marilyn Monroe, as most of us do. The most popular woman in the country, despite her short life. I suppose it helped that she fuct everyone and famously died under mysterious circumstances. And the drugs. She took a shitton of drugs. But she was beautiful and charming, and she was married to the greatest baseball player to ever live. No, not Ty Cobb. Good guess, though. Also, if you think the greatest ballplayer to ever live is an active player, you don’t know much about baseball. Strangely, much like Betty Page, we in the modified community have, in a way, co-opted her iconic visage as a sort of unmodified mascot. People in our culture love that broad. The reasons for that are a different rant, though, and involves more research than I’m interested in doing. This rant is more about the Thomas Dekker directed indie film starring Ron Jeremy called “Whore” star Megan Fox (IMDB rating of 6.2). She is getting her Monroe tattoo on her forearm removed. Why? In the words of the “Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen” star (IMDB rating of 4.2), “I'm removing it. It is a negative character, as she suffered from personality disorders and was bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.” Let’s look at that.

I’m not a cat, and you kids know this, who puts undue weight on why. I don’t care why you get that mod, I don’t care why you do what you do, and I don’t care why you’re removing any mods you may have. I know people who have some really out there shit tattooed on their skins, and you know what? Right on. You go get that giant Sublime sun tattooed across your back. If that’s your dig, far out, man. Tear it up. So when I read that “Hope And Faith” TV series star Megan Fox (IMDB rating of 5.2) is removing a tattoo, I don’t care. What I do care about, however, is her presentation of reason. Reason. That’s kind of funny to think that she has the ability to reason. Man, she’s dumb.

Before she modified the visage of Marilyn Monroe, star of “Some Like It Hot” (IMDB rating of 8.4), Megan Fox must have known that Monroe was a terribly embattled individual. I mean, I’m only thirty-one years old, and I know that. It’s no mystery about her metal difficulties, her drug abuse, her wrong place at the wrong time tendencies throughout her life. But apparently, the “Ocean Avenue” TV series star (IMDB rating of 3.7) either didn’t know, chose to ignore, or had some sort of life changing epiphany about having the Monroe mod. That’s fine. People have the right to be ignorant and idiotic and as dumb as a bag of over colored and over permed hair. But the presentation of Megan’s reason for the mod removal drips with the sticky residue of insensitivity. (Here’s the joke relating Megan Fox and sticky residue.)

I’ll ignore her use of the pronoun ‘it’ instead of ‘she’ because I’m that nice of a guy. Megan offers that Monroe’s struggle with mental disorder makes her a “negative character.” Specifically, personality disorder and bipolar disorder. I don’t know about you kids, but I have… both. Yeah, I’m crazy and diagnosed with a shitton -wait, I already used shitton- with a poop-plethora of mental issues that includes bipolar II disorder. The way Megan Fox’s statement regarding her mod removal reads is that these constitute a negative aura or air or whatever bullshit, cosmic energy nonsense. A little insulting? Yeah, I think so. If you’re one of those people who think that depression and post-traumatic stress and bipolar and eating disorder and suicidal thoughts are things that can just be turned off, then you’re an idiot and you’re not going to accept what I’m saying. There are those people, and they’re entitled to their opinions, regardless how wrong they are. Megan may be one of these people, and if she is, I pity her ignorance. Only a little bit, though.

Hey Megan Fox, star of “Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen” (IMDB rating of 5.9), let me share with you what’s negative in terms of metal illness. Waking up everyday with an albatross around your neck, one that you didn’t put there yourself, one that cannot be removed, and one that grows heavier every day. (See, Megan, that’s a reference to literature. That means books.) Mental illness is sitting on your bathroom floor with a handful of pills and a scale trying to figure out what the value of your decision is. Mental illness is not being in control of what your brain is choosing to focus on, moving at three hundred miles per hour on a Ducati with no helmet and something in your eye that keeps you from seeing the lines in the road. Mental illness is helplessness. Now, I know Megan Fox that you have had the life of someone who sees metal illness as a thing that happens on the periphery of movie sets, modeling gigs, late night TV show appearances, and sexy actor man hookups. That’s probably a judgement on my part, but what’s also on my part is someone who suffers from mental illness. I work very hard to mange my anger and depression, and I also work very hard to escape, if at all briefly, from the grey days by losing myself in your business. In entertainment. Video games, music, books, movies all provide temporary respite from my weakening Atlas shoulders. Your business. What you do is provide an escape for those like me, those with mental illness (and of course those who don’t suffer from mental illness, unless of course you think Megan Fox is a good actress; then clearly you’re mentally ill).

The point is that celebrities seem to do two things. One is that they rally behind causes to an irritating degree, making us pedestrian people feel guilty until every disenfranchised child in Africa has a text book. The other thing they seem to do is let shit fall out of their entitled mouths. I’m not entirely sure when it is that people who become famous forget that words mean things, but it seems to happen frequently. I don’t care, Megan Fox, that you think that Marilyn Monroe is a negative persona because she was crazy. I care that you actually think that (or at least so understands your cute little comment) people with mental illness are negative influences on your energy, or whatever bullshit witchcraft you think controls your life. Maybe that energy would be better spent fortifying your craft than being influenced by an embattled individual and her unfortunate mental conditions. Or are my mental problems presenting this negatively? Ask my readers, Megan Fox, how much of a negative influence I’ve been. Stay beautiful, kids.

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  1. go get her Anj...jb ignorant slut!

  2. [face palm] such a silly silly little girl

    like what you did there using the imdb ratings.