Exhibit B: A Shitty Tattoo
I think I take some things a bit too seriously. I saw a pair of girls waiting for coffee here at the bookstore not too long ago, and while standing awkwardly waiting for our coffees in a forced socialized behavior akin to a middle school dance, the one girl asked me what size my lobes were. I told her. The other said that she knew someone with bigger lobes. This second girl was wearing a Mets’ hat. So I said, “Your opinion doesn’t matter; you’re a Mets’ fan,” and then I continued to talk to the first girl. Does that make me a dick? I mean, she had a Mets’ hat on! I hate the Mets. There’s one thing I hate more than hippies, and it’s the Mets; and man I hate hippies.
Speaking about hate, I’m really good at it, but not the same kind of really good as other people who make it a lifestyle. Hate’s a real thing, and it’s a bad thing. I think I can justify my hate as a more pedestrian emotion. I hate things like the Mets, and manatees, and hippies, and punks, and doctors. I guess I do hate quite a bit. What’s irritating about hate is that, since I don’t know how to type properly, I keep typing hare instead of hate. Also, I would never subscribe to the type of hate that Jihadists or Klan members or Black Panthers do. I sure as shit wouldn’t get a modification that was an expression of hate. And this brings us to our point. Well, my point. Not ours. Just mine.
Recently in New York, a teenager was accused of a hate crime stabbing of an Ecuadorean immigrant. Witnesses at the trial of this teen murderer testified that the accused wore tattoos of hate, including a swastika and the ‘white power’ lightning bolt thing that kind of looks like a Gatorade logo. Stupid. The accused and his best friend were watching the HBO man-lovefest called “Oz,” and decided that they wanted to tattoo themselves in the traditional prison style. I have a couple of things to talk about in this situation. So here. We. Go.
First, let’s talk about the prison tattoo and “Oz” thing. I’m not a fan of the show, but my opinion of the show doesn’t matter, so I guess it was pointless to write that. In the show, there have been scenes of prison style tattooing. For those who don’t know how it works, check it out. First you acquire some ink. India ink or any dark pen ink can work. Then you get a sewing needle and some thread. You dip the needle in the ink and place some on the thread, poke the skin with it, and pull the thread through. This, in theory, leaves the ink in the skin as the thread passes through it. It takes forever, hurts like a bitch, and looks like ass. I wouldn’t encourage any of you kids to try this because it’s stupid, unhealthy, and looks terrible. This is what these two morons did. The friend ‘tattooed’ the murderer with a swastika and the Gatorade lightning bolt white power stupidity. Anyone who modifies himself or anyone else in his house with no training or proper tools is a scourge on the culture. These worthless neophyte modders are everything that is wrong with the community, and they are the petrol that fuels engine of those who hoot and holler against modification. What these idiot kids, and those like them, did legitimizes the arguments that people are somewhere mutilating each other. This is mutilation; it’s not art.
Like you didn’t see that argument coming from me. C’mon. You know me by now. The next thing about this places me on a bit of a fulcrum. In the trial of this douchebag murderer, the jurors were shown photos of the shitty modifications, and were also edified to their meanings. The defense attorney rhetorically dismissed the mods, basically saying, boys will be boys. My question is this. Ought modifications be admissible as evidence in a trial?
This case was that of a white dude killing an immigrant. They’re playing it as a hate crime. OK, fine. The tattoos are used to show that this guy speaks a hateful rhetoric with his body mods. It seems a slam dunk for the prosecution, but is it fair? The sixth amendment of the Constitution guarantees citizens a fair and speedy trial. I guess in the grand scheme, the speedy thing is a relative term, but how could a jury look on the homemade swastika modification and not convict this asshole of a hate crime? White guy stabs not white guy to death and has a swastika tattoo? What else do you need to know? Of course the easiest thing to think is, ‘well fuck that guy; he’s an idiot for getting a white power tattoo.’ And I agree with that, but how entirely fair is it for the defense to argue for the guy’s actions as well as his reasons to be modified with the symbol?
On the same token, if someone were accused of a crime, could that person show his Jesus tattoos to the jury as evidence of his moral character? Why is it that we place much more gravity on hateful examples of our characters than the peaceful ones? We see a guy with a tattoo that shares some sort of race hating bullshit. We think that guy is fuct up, and we stay away from him because we don’t want to be associated with whatever it is he’s thinking. We see someone with rosary beads or biblical verse tattooed, and we don’t think that guy is someone who is pious or morally just. Why is that? Can we only be so moved by our convictions to tattoo hateful things and not peaceful things? The two arguments just don’t seem congruently reciprocal. “Your honor, he has a swastika tattoo. He clearly committed this crime out of hate.” or “Your honor, he has a blessed heart tattoo. He clearly didn’t commit this crime out of hate because he follows the word of Christ.” Which sounds like a more solid defense?
The way I see it, fuck this guy and his stupid assed best friend. I hope they are routinely raped by non-whites in prison all while staring at their shitty white power nonsense tattoos. These types of people have no place in society. Whatever happened to the good ol’ fashioned exile? I guess we’ve run out of places to send people. Fuck it; send them to the center of Australia where no one lives and eighty percent of the world’s poisonous animals roam about looking for sociological rejects to turn into ‘Dregs Of Society’ flavored Hamburger Helper. Just fly them over with a helicopter, and kick them out of the door like that guy on the Discovery Channel who eats bugs and shows us how to drink piss.
Hate crimes are nothing to joke about, and even though I’m not a huge fan of the delineation of what makes a crime a hate crime, it is important to know that there are people out there that are misguided enough to think that one flavor of person is superior to another. Isn’t that a nutty idea? I mean, truly insane. There is no perfect race of people, and that includes the bumbershoot under which we all live, and that is the human race. Blows my mind, it really does. We are a decade into the second millennium and we still have people who think being white means being superior. We have blacks who think that they are owed for shit that happened in none of our lifetimes. We have straights who think gays are evil, and we have women who think that every transgression on the gender is an affirmation of a misogynistic suppression. It’s fucking ridiculous, and this guy with the hate mod who murdered the foreigner is a prime example that we have gotten nowhere in our virus like existence on this hopeless planet. Hating the Mets is one thing; murdering someone because that person isn’t the same variety of person as you are is something completely different. I know that hating the Mets isn’t going to make the Mets go away. Can’t someone who hates a flavor of person realize that hating that flavor isn’t going to make them go away? Co-existing seems so much simpler. But hey, that’s a real hippie idea; and man, I hate hippies. Stay beautiful, kids.
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